Cruise Humor

Some questions to ask the cruise director on your next cruise:

1. Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
2. Does the ship generate its own electricity?
3. Why do the inside staterooms not have windows?
4. What do they do with the ice carvings after they melt?
5. Is this island completely surrounded by water?
6. The photos in the photo gallery do not have stateroom numbers on them, so how do we know which ones are ours?
7. Has this ship ever sunk?
8. Is it fresh water or salt water in the toilet?
9. Does the crew sleep onboard?
10. What time is the Midnight Buffet?
11. Do the movies on the TV come via satellite or cable?
12. Do these stairs go up, or down?
13. What is the elevation of the ship?
14. On the last night of the cruise, should we put our suitcases out in the hall before or after we go to sleep?
15. What religion are all those people who are wearing a patch behind their ear?

This announcement came over the speakers throughout the ship, "In about an hour we will be passing Harbour Island on the Port Side of the ship." And then as an afterthought, "If anyone sees an island on the Starboard Side of the ship, please advise the bridge immediately."

On a stormy day at sea, a passenger on the pool deck kept watching the swimming pool as the water sloshed out first from one side of the pool, then the other. After a while, the captain walked by, and the passenger asked him, "Is it fresh water or sea water in the swimming pool?" The captain answered immediately, "It's sea water. Didn't you notice how rough it is?"

Public address announcement on the second night of a seven-night cruise: "If anyone is driving a green Taurus with Virginia License BVK-743, you left your lights on."

Overheard one passenger talking to another, "You know, this world cruise has given me a great idea. I'm going to go into the business of transporting day-old bread—across the International Dateline!"

A magician on a cruise ship had a wonderful act making things disappear. The problem was that the captain's parrot began watching his act, and soon learned how each trick was performed, and the parrot would give the trick away. The magician would make some fire and some smoke, and make something disappear, but then the parrot would yell out, "It's in his other hand", or "It's under the table", much to the chagrin and frustration of the magician. So the magician began changing the things that he made disappear, even though he had a new audience every week, just to confound the parrot, but the parrot kept figuring out the trick and giving it away. The magician soon began to hate the parrot, but he could do nothing to him, because it was the captain's parrot. Then one day, just as the magician was starting his act, the ship struck a submerged object. There was some fire and some smoke, and then the ship sank. The magician struggled up through the water to the surface, gasping for air, and managed to grab onto the end of a wooden plank that was floating in the debris. Then he looked up, and to his total dismay, he saw the parrot, feathers all wet and bedraggled, standing on the other end of his wooden plank. For hours they drifted, staring at each other, neither one saying a word. Then finally, the parrot spoke, "All right, I give up. Where's the ship?"